Dot's Specialty by Porky The Poet

With all due deference

To the people of Cornwall

My mum made the best pasties

Cold hands perfect for shortcrust

If not ideal for applying vicks vapo rub

She only makes them now if I ask her

But I haven't the heart to tell her

They used to be a lot bigger

On the other hand

Perhaps it was I

Who was just

Smaller.

The Misunderstanding by Porky The Poet

He laid the box before her

Unloaded each component

Smiled with his achievement

And ordered them with pride

"There's plain and there's self raising

In types both weak and strong,

Wholemeal and organic

(Which doesn't keep so long)

There's walnut, rye and cornflour,

Almond, rice and spelt,

Chickpea known as 'besan'

And arrowroot as well!

I got some malted wheatgrain

Not to mention good old 'brown'

Peasemeal and Casava

You can really go to town!

Potato, hemp and sorghum

Tapioca too

Soba!

Buckwheat!

Coconut!

I bought them all for you!"

She shook her head and left that day

It only took two hours

And her note read;

"What I said was

You don't bring me flowers"

 

Porky The Poet has just finished performing his show 27 Years On at the Edinburgh Fringe.