Obsession by Helen Lederer

A cake once seen in shadows thrown

By sunlight on my counter clean,

Was ‘disappeared’ by hands unknown

And taken to a foreign scene.

No larder this, or biscuit tin

Played host to baked and loved up carbs,

Instead some hands of spite and sin

Did take my cake to other parts.

I saw the man, whose mouth of crumbs

Did prove his pleasure at my cake,

And I with fingers and two thumbs

Did shame this cake thief with a shake,

Instead of shame the cake thief shouted

‘Am off the diet – I am delighted.’

Helen Lederer is an actress, comedian and writer. She's possibly best known for her role as the dippy Catriona in the absolutely fabulous Absolutely Fabulous.